2009 in Review..

Christmas 2009 made it's presence and then quickly left us. It is amazing how much hype and anxiousness (sp?) that we put into those two days. The sad thing is that we are all running around trying to grab the right present for someone and scheduling plans that we don't bother to say two words to The Birthday Man until we get ready to get dinner that day. I'm just as guilty as anyone else. I would LOVE to see a Christmas where my family only does presents for the little kids. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE getting presents AND I love picking out the "right" present for people. But Christmas has became ONLY about eating and opening gifts. When Bradley and I start our family I am going to make sure our child knows that Christmas is about Jesus. ALL about Jesus. Then the gifts, family, and food will be an added extra. Nonetheless, I had an awesome Christmas. I am fortunate enough to have such a huge family..that Bradley and I had to go to seven places in two days! (I am used to it after 21yrs.-He is still getting broke in!) I was blessed beyond anything I deserved with gifts and love. I wasn't about to buy the presents that I wanted for everyone in my family, but I think we came up with something nice for everyone. A little gesture is better than nothing, I suppose.

2009
To be quite honest, 2009 went by just like any of my other years. I was forunate enough to have another year to spend in The Word, at Encounter Christ Church, and building onto my relationship with Jesus. I have learned things about him that I never knew about or understood before. I know that Jesus: Saves lives, can perform miracles way above any comprehension that we have, WANTS us to prosper and live in abundance. I have seen the workings of the power of His healing, how great the offering system is, and most importantly I have got to the point in my Christianity that I can feel him with me all day and night. In every situation that Im in HE is there. Not to judge me and send condemnation onto my life. But to protect me, love me, and give me guidance. If you know me, you know this has become the number one priority in my life. I'm not perfect. But I know I have non-Christians looking at me to see how a Christian is supposed to act-and I don't take that respsonsibility lightly at all.

I have had 365 more days to spend with my family, friends, and my fiance. They help make me who I am and give me the sunshine that is in my life. I'm not finished with school yet, but I am at the home stretch and we are in full gear!

So, as you can imagine...Working a full time job, going to school full time, taking care of a house full time, and planning the my dream wedding. I am a busy lady!

2010
Please be good to me! By the looks of it..it's going to be pretty grand! A wedding, graduating college, and hopefully (crosses fingers) we will be adding a new addition to our family somewhere before 2011!

Goodbye 2009.

A life update & personal "Thank you's"

I am pretty aware that no one really cares THAT much about my life that they need to read my blogs, however, as I have mentioned before..it's pretty good therapy for me. So, hopefully some of you will amuse me and read this mess anyway! It's almost midnight. Everything that breathes in this house is asleep, except for me, of course. I just have so much clouding my brain that its so hard for me to sleep. (So if this entry seems incredibly random..that would be why.) As most of you know Bradley got a job in Charlotte a few weeks ago. yay! That means no more traveling for him. (or without me that is!) He's home...for good. I couldn't tell you how good it is to have him here with me all of the time. We are finally a family again. AND...sooner than later I will become Mrs. Jessica Clayton (ahh!) It's getting so close I can smell it :) A little over 4 months. We have managed to get a lot of planning done, but there is still so much more to do!

My family life couldn't be better. Most people know this as well, but things with my mom & Gary have worked out. She had a change of heart; and he had a change of personality. It's beyond amazing to see her so happy. They are like a little school couple. It's too cute. He treats her like a princess. (which just thrills me.) It was suprisngly awkard not having that whole family together. There are too many things to name...just a bunch of awkardness. Thank goodness things are back to normal!

Exams are starting next week. (shoot!) Am I prepared? Not at all. Do I think I can pretend to be? Sure! Will there be mucho cramming and pulling out of hair? You can bet on it! I was dianosed with child A.D.D back in the day, and in all honesty, I think I should get checked for adult A.D.D. I'm not saying that as a sarcastic "haha" comment. I really think I should go get checked. Many people have told me this. I will probably do that at some point. I KNOW I can do better in school. If my self-discipline was as a good as my mental drive..i'd be in great shape! Too bad it's not. I always say "next semester i'm going to get it right. It's going to be MY semester." But it always ends up the same way. With me cramming for finals and doing a lot of praying to the good Lord above. Seriously, starting in January I AM going to make that change. If not, i'm too afraid that this awesome chance I have in life will fade away. So, let's stop matters before they get worse!

I always talk about my church & Christianity on my blogs. I'm only going to say ONE sentence about it this time. "COME TO ENCOUNTER CHRIST CHURCH...it's the Epicenter of Albemarle!" :)

Okay then, moving on...

Thanksgiving just passed and we are all gearing up for Christmas. In case some of you didn't know I wanted to make a few personal thank you's. I always give the thank you to my mom, grandparents, friends...etc. (I am still thankful for you guys) But this time I want to make it a little different. I want to thank a couple people that I don't usually thank.
Elaine-I know sometimes you feel like you aren't really apart of the Tunner family because you aren't related by "blood." However, I can tell you that in all of my family memories YOU are in there. I remember you used to play "santa" during Christmas time at Bop Bop's and you'd pass everyones presents out. I remember you used to come over to my house and i'd BEG you to play house with me. Then i'd beg you again to CARRY me like i was a baby. You'd ALWAYS be the mommy. I remember staying at Uncle Frank's house and crying so hard because I missed my momma. Then you'd let me come in your room with you and hang out. You ARE and ALWAYS will be apart of this family. I love you!

Cathy & Glenda-Both of you have shown me what true friendship is. It's not always about what friend you've had the longest, or who you have the most in common with. More importantly it's about who you know will always be there in the future. You two have already taught me so much and i'm so thankful for both of you being in my life.

Mrs. Butler-You are one teacher that I will ALWAYS remember. You have such a heart for your job, and it really shows. Your students notice even if you don't think they do. I'm glad i've got to know you outside of the class. Not as just a teacher, but as a person.

Anna-I've thanked you for "being a friend" before. But I don't think i've ever thanked you for this. You have always been the one person in my life who will be bluntly honest about anything and everything. No sugar-coating. There aren't too many people who are like that. At times I will admit I wasn't appriciative. But in all honesty, I am. Everyone needs a friend who can keep them in line and call them out when need be.

..That is all for now. Obviously, thats not all the people that I want to thank. Thats just who came to my mind in the past 5 mins. There are more. Maybe I will add an encore...sometime.

I think this is a long enough blog for tonight. For those of you who read all of this, BLESS YOU!

Goodnight.

God is on the move!

Well, by now most everyone knows the struggles I have had with Christianity. I have spent the past year learning about God, The Holy Spirit, the church, and everything in between. I have built up my spirit and learned how to pray RIGHT. (Yes, there is a right way to pray that gets the job done.) I am aware that not everyone in my life believes everything that I believe. I know some people think i'm crazy, some think i'm "weak" and i'm looking for comfort. Others just think i'm being brainwashed..etc. However, I'm not the Christian I am today because of what a man told me. I'm not who I am because of a church. I am who I am because of the ENCOUNTER that I had last October with Jesus Christ. Yes, I had an actual encounter with JESUS himself. I know for a lot of people that is hard for them to wrap their minds around. People think its just a feeling I had..like a tingly feeling in my body. They couldn't be more wrong. I'm not going to take the time to explain my encounter on the blog because it is something very special to me. It is something that I only tell to people who have their ears and mind open for it. Now don't get me wrong, the man of God and my church is what pushed me to that point. And they are the ones who have continued to push me over the past year. I couldn't have done it without them-BUT GOD..He is the one who deserves all of the Glory!

You know I was an Athiest. One of the major things through my life that stopped me from believing in God was that I couldn't get any REAL answers to my questions. I went from Pastor to Pastor & person to person...just looking for SOMEONE who could give me biblical proof and real answers. Do you know that everyone told me the same thing? It was "You just have to have faith." Well, that wasn't enough for me. I needed concrete proof and evidence. I finally figured out that what the problem was is that the people I was asking..didn't really believe ALL of the Bible anyway. They believed in bits and pieces. How can some of God's word be real..but not all of it? So, finally. I found people who were Bible believing Christians. They knew the Bible, believed the Bible, and lived the Bible. I started to see what God was doing in their life and how if they prayed for something-they got it EVERY TIME. It was amazing to me.

So, God has given me a Word. I won't share it with everyone because i'm very careful who I share that kind of stuff with. But..He is working in me and has a big plan for me. There is a reason I am a Christian. More importantly, there is a reason I was an Athiest BEFORE I was a Christian. I'm not at the place that he needs me to be at at..but..He's giving me time to get there. I have a lot of work in ahead of me, but a GREAT foundation below me. I'm excited for the months to come & I know I will get to that level and title that I believe God has planned out for me.

Lastly, One of the most important part of being a true Christian is witnessing to other people. I don't want to keep all of God's greatness to myself! I know what it is like to be lost, confused, and filled with unbelief. I know what kind of struggle it is and how hard it can be on both the heart and mind. I am opening myself up to EVERYONE. Whether I know you well or not. If you have any doubt, questions, or would just like to know more PLEASE send me a message on facebook. I won't judge you or tell anyone else. Oh, and I know an AWESOME church that you can attend with me. With a pretty CRAZY Pastor. (Well, he's just crazy for God-and its great!) So, come to me and we'll talk. I don't have all the answers, but I can get you to people who do. And the answers they don't have...well..I know the ONE who can answer anything you have. I just fill like my spirit is telling me there is someone out there who is looking for someone who is real. I figured writing this blog would get out to a lot of people. Please! I am here to do God's work. And I have only been a Christian for a year-so we can learn together!

I not perfect. I don't do everything that i'm supposed to. One of my biggest faults is the disicpline I have to read the Bible like I should. I'm not going to lie, I should do it more and I will do it more. God doesn't want people who have it all together. He wants people who are messed up and are at the point where they give up. Once you put it all in His hands, you'll be amazed at how your life changes. God is just as real to me as my mom or Bradley. He is a person that I can HEAR and know what He says. You can have that too!

Thats all for now.

Have a blessed night!

Revelation

Life still very much feels like a constant roller coaster. There is still so much going on, so much changing, and so much I am hoping for. I have been struggling a lot the past two months with my faith and my journey through Christianity. I have been a Christian for right at a year now. (Which means I've also been at ECC for a year-LOVE YOU GUYS!!) Within this year I have learned so much and have been totally transformed and blessed. Well, maybe not TOTALLY transformed. There is still many things I have to understand and work on within myself as well as with different relationships in my life. When I first dived into Christianity I went head first. I put my heart and soul into it (which is really the only way to go). I came so far in such a short amount of time. Unfortunately over the past two months I have felt at a standstill. I have been feeling like I continue to stay at the same level and never progress forward. Whereas before now, I was progressing rather rapidly. Finally, this week I had a revelation. I have been feeling like GOD wasn't the same as he used to be. How foolish of me? My God is the same yesterday, today, and will be the same tomorrow. He is never changing. I am the one who has changed. I am still on fire for God and love the fact that He saved my life, but over the past two months I have just been satisfied with where I am in my walk. I haven't done anything to change that. God wants to help us and he WANTS to bless us, but if we don't put in the work..He isn't going too. I haven't been praying as much and haven't been in the Word as much as I should be. God wants to be FIRST in our life. He wants the first of everything and won't settle for less. I have Him first in some areas, but not all of them. So, I think that is a big reason in why I am still at the same level. Thank you God for being that steady rock in my life. This is MY season-my season for a turn around. If God isn't in it, I don't want to be a part of it. I have a lot of people looking at me thinking how they see me act is how a Christian is supposed to act. I don't want to lead anyone in another direction but towards Christ. I have an awesome testimony and it just keeps getting better everyday!

Another big reason that I think is hindering my blessings from God is the amount of forgiveness I still have to release in my life. There are quite a few people right now who I can't bring myself to forgive. These people have hurt me beyond words and my heart cannot find the right away to REALLY forgive them. I know thats the Devil. (He really likes me, you know). But I am convinced that by the power of prayer and through the mercifulness of God He will give me the strength and energy I need to forgive people. I can usually forgive almost anyone. I am someone who can bounce back real easily from hard times. But over the past few months (and a couple from the past.) There have been people who have really thrown me for a loop. So, over the next few months that is my prayer mission. Forgiveness. To all the people who have done me wrong. I'm not sure in what way God is going to lead me to forgive them, but I know if I do it'll be because of him. I've learned that when you are going through a really hard time there is no need to try to do it alone. Why? Whats the point? As humans we can only do so much. Why not hand it over to all-powerful? The one who can the impossible to become the possible. There is no sense in putting all the weight on our own shoulders when we can put it on the shoulders of God. He WANTS to take your burdens, He WANTS to help us. We just have to show Him that he is appriciated and that we are thankful for him. Thank you God for your never ending mercy!

God is good all the time, and all the time God is good! We can get more miracles from God by believing in Him for even one minute, rather than screaming at Him all night.

Murdered for loving God.

We had Apostle James Jacob tonight at Encounter Christ Church. His sermon was awesome, but what he had to say about India was heartbreaking to say the least. Being a Christian in India is like being an African American to the KKK's. It's upsetting and ridiculous, but most of all it makes my heart hurt for these people. I realize that there are people being killed all over the world for what they believe in. But there is no such thing as a Christian terrorist and its so sad to see millions and MILLIONS of Christians being killed just because they chose to worship Jesus Christ. How many of us would go to church if we knew that any minute there was a large chance of people coming in with guns to shoot whoever was in there? How many people would put a cross in their front yard if they knew in the middle of the night someone could set their house on fire because of it? Some of us can't even wear our Christian t-shirts to Walmart. We save those just for church. I mean, after all, if people see us wearing it in walmart they might laugh at us. Or talk about us behind our back. That'd be just horrible! In India and all over different parts of the world Christianity isn't just what people do for fun. It isn't to satisfy their loved ones or to scratch a religious itch. They are Christians because they believe in God. They believe in the Holy Spirit. They believe in their salvation. They know God did miracles back in the biblical days and they KNOW he performs NEW miracles every single day...today. Being a Christian is WHO they are. It's their life. You'd take it pretty seriously too if you had a high probability of being murdered every hour of the day.

I just wish that we could have that FERVENT love for Jesus like these people do. They love God and trust his word-no matter what. They have to fight for the freedom to serve the Lord every single day. The biggest thing most of us have to fight for is for a good parking space in a parking lot. We can't even fathom being actually harmed (and murdered) for believing in something, these people deal with this reality every single day of their lives.

It's really humbling to see and hear about. It also makes me want to do more. Not everyone has it like we do, and I think too often we forget that. You can take the whole world, but leave me JESUS!

If you want to see actual pictures on Apostle James Jacob's website go to the following URL. I need to warn you that some of these are pretty disturbing, but they are ACTUAL photos. Imagine having to face this everyday of your life...

http://www.jamesjacobmin.org/gallery.aspx?id=8

I'm alive.

I am trying to sleep off this weekend, but it hasn't worked so well yet. I flew to PA this weekend for a family reunion. I didn't know any of them, and still don't. We stayed in the family cabin that has been in my family for like 50yrs. or something. It was a cute, little, quaint cabin. (Pictures will be up of the weekend as soon as I can get my camera to work!) Although I didn't know any of the PA family my REAL family was all there. Mom, Grandma, Aunt Linda & Uncle Rick, Bradley, Matt and Nikki. It was the first time that ALL of us have been on vacation somewhere and all together in a VERY long time. We got to know each other VERY well over the weekend in such a humble cabin :) Sunday we got to spend 4hrs. in NYC before I had to catch a plane back home. My Uncle had reservations for us to have lunch at a 4 star place in Little Italy. It was very nice! My plane ride home was...well...a nightmare. We won't get into that Let's just say I was supposed to get home at 12pm Sunday evening and didn't make it to Charlotte until 11am the next day. Home never felt so sweet! A lot has been happening with my family over the last month, and especially the last week. You know, the saying is true. People REALLY show their true colors when adversity strikes. Needless to say I didn't like a few of those "true colors" at all and i'm happy to get rid of them in my life. As far as family goes, well, the ones who really care about us are still here and will always will be. One thing i've learned through all of this is that my mother is the strongest person I have EVER known. She will find a hurdle, clear it, and keep truckin'. I admire her for that and hope to pass that kind of strength on to my kids in the future.

The wedding planning is going great! We had a couple setbacks with the loss of the family members I was speaking of but all of that is taken care of and flourishing because of the great people in my life! I know who has my back and I love it. I can't believe in about 7 months I will be Mrs. Jessica Clayton. It is still so surreal to me. I hope his family likes me enough to accept me sharing their last name! Of course, I guess they don't really have a choice. hehehehe.

School...is...school. Haven't really got into the "meat" of everything yet being that it is only the 2nd week of school. Don't worry, I know its coming!

Bradley is coming home for NINE days in a little over two weeks. I'm so excited and can't wait to have him home. For 9 days it will feel like he actually lives here again and we will be able to do all the things that couples do. I've seen him a lot lately, but he hasn't actually got to be home..without any work..for more than 2days..just him and me..for like two months now. I'm ecstatic about the break!

I need to see my best friends so bad! Robin is wedding planning and so much is going on in her life that I need to catch up with her as soon as possible. Anna is in love and I still need to get more details on that one! And Kelly is having a BABY! So, I need you girls to call me!

I think thats about it for now. Until next time..

My New Hobby.

So, I started reading my friend's blog and it gave me the idea to start one. Now, it's not really because I think everyone wants to know about my life, but more along the lines of therapy. There is so much going on in both mine and Bradley's life. (Especially mine). So the idea of writing everything down that is going on in mine (our) lives seems so theraputic. That is probably because my mind is so jumbled and scrambled up at this point! I'm not sure how often this will be updated, but at this point I feel like I could update every five minutes. Don't worry, I won't.

Today was the first day of classes. Wasn't too bad. One of my professors is a 24yr. old girl that just graduated from college. Sort of awkard. She could be a totally awesome prof. OR because of her age totally NOT be. Either way, I'll make the best out of this semester. I really don't have any other choice! I have two interviews set up for tomorrow. The first one is at a Real Estate firm that would be my first "big girl" job. I'm really excited and extremely hopeful for the job. I'm not exactly sure I qualify, but i'm praying that he sees something in me he likes because i'd be SO thrilled about this job! The second interview is working at the call center at UNCC. The pay isn't AS good as the first job, but it's still better than what I have had before. I'll be blessed and grateful for either job that comes my way.

As for Bradley, he is still working for the Corporate Relocation world and loving the job, but missing me. I mean, who wouldn't? (: I miss him too..a whole lot.

Our wedding is 8 months away and it could NOT get here any slower! I guess in hindsight, though, considering we have been engaged for over 2yrs time has went pretty quickly! There is so much already planned but SO much left to plan! I don't even care at this point. I just want to become the wife to my husband. Thats all I have ever wanted to begin with.

That is the condensed version of our life right now. Its kind of hard to type when mom and Bradley IMing me every two seconds. Until next time!